‘Care about what other people think and you will always be a prisoner’ ~ Lao Tzu ~
Read that quote again.
‘Care about what other people think and you will always be a prisoner’.
How does that resonate with you?
I would love to pose a question to you, does pleasing others allow you to feel accepted or do you feel it is a way for you to show how kind hearted you are as a person?
People pleasing can be a sign of low self-worth. The dictionary defines self-worth as ‘the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person’.
On a level of 1-10 how would you rate your self-worth?
Really feel into this question, remember not to base your level on any external factors. Base your level on your internal value and/or worth. After all, it isn’t the outside world that determines our self-worth.
If I am to be openly honest with you, and that is what I wish to be. Growing up and, yes you got me, even in my adult life I have been prone to people please.
What are some signs of people pleasing?
- Saying yes all the time – finding it hard to say those 2 letters N and O. Oh gosh, I can remember so many times that I would fake a smile and say yes to something that I really didn’t want to do. I was that bad I would develop anxious feelings days before having to do the thing I did not want to do but because I could not say no I had to go ahead with it. As I am writing this I can clearly remember times when I would get so anxious and I would feel sick, anger would rise up from within and I would be physically exhausted. Do you find that you tend to say ‘YES’ when you really want to say ‘NO’? What do you feel when you agree to something that you aren’t completely aligned with?
- Always apologising – ohhhhhhhhh this is a biggie. I still catch myself out on this baby. ‘I’m sorry’. I hear myself say this and think ‘Tara what exactly are you sorry for?’ Honestly, why apologise for something that doesn’t require an apology.
- Not being clear on your personal boundaries – you may feel like you are forever running around after everybody else and you have no time for the things that you love to do. I could chat about this all day long. I feel as a society we have made the word ‘busy’ something that we need to be. If we are seen taking things slow we may be looked upon as lazy or something silly like that. When we begin doing things for everybody else and neglecting our own needs we are also suggesting to our self that we aren’t as important as others, when in actual fact we are the most important thing in the world. It is a must that we create personal boundaries, allow others to do what needs to be done for themselves and support our emotional, mental and physical health first. It is not selfish in any way shape or form.
- Not admitting that you feel hurt – you may put your feelings aside to keep others happy. This is unhealthy for relationships as you are not letting the other person know your feelings. A one sided relationship isn’t supportive for you or the other individual. Your feelings matter just as much as theirs.
Becoming aware of any people pleasing behaviours that you may have is the first step to allowing you to break them down piece by piece.
Start by taking small steps, saying no to small things that you don’t feel aligned with or catching yourself out when apologising for something that doesn’t warrant an apology. Create and share what your personal boundaries are with loved ones and discussing if your feelings have been hurt. Having awareness is the beginning of an empowering journey with people pleasing and you truly deserve to live your most magical and conscious life.